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Who’s job is harder? The working parent? The stay at home parent? Or would you say both are equally hard? Which ever answer you voted up above, there is no wrong answer. However, let’s get some insight into the pros and cons of both and what would make one harder than the other.
P.S. There ARE some stay at home Dads believe it or not.
The Working Parent – Pros
- They raise more independent children. Children of working parents do tend to be more independent because they need to teach their kids how to do chores on their own and develop a sense of responsibility at an early age. They also learn how to really adapt without their parents, and there’s more social exposure for the kids when they are at daycare/school interacting with other children.
- You have a life outside of being a parent. You have feelings of career fulfillment and individuality. When I was working, I was more than just Jazmine and Gabriella’s Mom, and my Husband is more than Gabriella and Jazmine’s Dad. It’s not that we are not proud of those things but we also need to be Jason and Amber too! So working and having a career gives you something of your own so to speak. You have that identity that extends beyond being a Mom or Dad. There is a DIFFERENT sense of appreciation that stay at home parents just don’t get. No one is going to tell you, “Oh the house looks pretty good, thanks for trying to do it while keeping the kids safe and alive.” But when you close that deal with the new client, or get a new sale, you can bet your boss is singing a tune!
- Less Financial Stress. Who doesn’t love plenty of financial income flowing in? You will be able to provide better for your children when there’s TWO incomes instead of one. While there are stressful days that come with answering to a boss, and working carefully on daily responsibilities, there is that sweet paycheck every week (or every two weeks) that makes it all worthwhile.
- You get a flippin BREAK! Some people actually WANT to work just to get away from the kids! Get away from the stinky diapers, the screaming, the crying, the messes in the house, etc. You get to talk to actual adults and have work friends than being with the kids talking baby talk and picking up after them all day long! That hour lunch that’s so nice by yourself where you don’t have to share your food and have your kid pulling at your sleeve for you to give them your food you just want to enjoy by yourself in peace! After you close that house door or after you drop the kids off to school, you step on that gas pedal, blast the music, go get some starbucks and head off to start your day.
The Working Parent – Cons
- You end up missing things. Parents want to see and hear every first milestone-first step, first word, first roll-over etc. They are the most precious heartfelt moments. But then, you’re at work and the Sitter sends a video or tells you when you get home that your baby took their first steps. Or, if your preschooler has their first field trip and you have a huge meeting at work or you just started a new job and can’t take off. We’re bound to have these moments as a working parent. When we miss things it’s heartbreaking because we feel we should be there for EVERYTHING and then we become consumed with GUILT!
- Not enough TIME! There’s not enough hours in the day as it is, but when you become a parent it gets even worse. Literally every day Monday through Friday Jason and I as soon as we walked through the door the chaos started with getting the kids hands washed, their clothes off, getting dinner ready, this kid is crying, this kid doesn’t want to take their new shirt off, we’re hungry, there’s homework, and on and on and on. By the time everything was done, we were literally not sitting down until 7:30,8:00pm! Then, two hours later at 10:00pm it’s time to go to bed. WHERE DID THE TIME GO?! Where do you get to spend time with the kids because their bedtime is 8, 8:30,9pm?! Absurd! So you totally lose so much time and truly have to make the most of your weekends.
- Other caregivers spending more time with your children than you. When I was working I felt that my Sitter was practically raising our girls. I felt that our toddler was spending more time with her teachers at school than me. I didn’t like the thought of someone else raising our girls and being there for all their milestones at the time. It was HARD. I felt like I barely saw them with the time I got home, and all the stuff I had to do. I didn’t feel like I was being replaced but it made me feel a little inadequate like I wasn’t present enough. So often times we can feel like we’re not THERE enough at home with our kids but someone else is who’s not their parent.
- Difficulty focusing on work. You may be passionate about your job, but if you’ve had a sleepless night with your child, you may find it hard to focus the next day at work. I was constantly thinking about the girls while at work among other things. My work performance was slacking, and quite honestly, my work life was never the same after having kids. It just wasn’t. So working parents may find it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand.
STAY AT HOME PARENTS – PROS
- You have a routine. You’ll have more control over your family’s routine as a stay at home parent. You don’t have to worry about the morning meltdowns, getting called into work early, or staying late, the whole nine. Your routine will pretty much be the same week to week.
- Different stress levels. Even if your child is in full meltdown mode, you’re less likely to be overwhelmed and the stress level is lower versus you getting home from work starving, need a shower,tired and having to hear screams and cries. You have more time for them and you’re not going crazy rushing and trying to get to this and that to the point where you feel like your head is gonna pop off.
- The freedom and flexibility. If one of your kids wake up sick, there isn’t a boss to call. You can tend to them all day without having to call the sitter or the school every hour to see if they’re okay. No rushing from work if they get sick and have to stop in the middle of work because your kid threw up three times or got hurt. You’re right there! No missed milestones, you’ll be there for the memorable moments. All the moments that you can’t get back while at work you’ll be there for. The freedom and flexibility that you get is amazing!
- YOU are raising your Children. Your kids are with you majority of the time so you won’t feel like the daycare worker or the sitter is raising them. You determine what they eat, their schedule, and the values they are taught. You also are fully responsible for their safety. You can focus 100% of your time and energy on taking care of your children.
STAY AT HOME PARENTS – CONS
- You have a round the clock job now. Your job now is taking care of the kids and home all day everyday. You now change poop and pee diapers all day, make breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, listen to crying and screaming all day and your new lunch break is when they’re napping. You constantly have an audience as your children are always around, underneath you, tugging at you and so on. You’re never alone!
- No money. That two person income just got cut down to one paycheck. Your spouse is now feeding four mouths on one income. You’re not as flexible as you used to be to do stuff that you wanna do because now you REALLY have to budget carefully. However, there are ways to make money while being a stay at home parent. (Ask us)
- The Constant State of Need. Instead of waking up to an alarm everyday, you wake up to your toddler yelling your name for something every two minutes, or your baby crying because they’re hungry. You literally go all day nonstop! This one needs cereal, this one needs their pull-up on, that one needs formula, and so on. The kids become more of a handful with the whining, fighting, and misbehaviors.
- You feel trapped. While you may love being a stay at home parent, sometimes you feel like you’re trapped and wish you can steal some moments for yourself. However, that’s where the self care needs to be implemented. You start to miss your work friends, the satisfaction of doing a good job, bringing in a regular paycheck, and even getting dressed up for work in that sharp suit Dads, and that cute blazer and dress pants with your Steve Madden shoes Moms.
No matter what your answer is up above or how you feel with regard to being a stay at home parent, or a working parent, both are incredibly big jobs that come with rewards as well as hard times like everything else. There’s always that constant juggle whether you’re one or the other. There’s no perfect way to parent, but as long as our children go to bed with full bellies knowing they are loved and cared for, then we’ve truly done our jobs.
~Amber L. Hurley
Sasha says
Being a parent is hard no matter what!
Adriane Thompson says
I was dying at “you get a flipping break”! LOL! I feel like your pro lists for both could be used for either just depending on the person. I feel like when I worked I had a much better routine than I do now as a SAHM. It’s hard to have a routine when I’m constantly interrupted or there’s no consistency in the schedule. And as a SAHM, our kids are VERY independent which has nothing to do if i’m home or at work. Our kids, 7 and 10 get themselves up, make their own breakfast, get themselves to school by bike, do their own laundry…basically anything they are capable of, they do! But I could see how a SAHM would do more of that because she’s home. Regardless, they are both hard and joyful and rewarding in their own ways 🙂
amberl.hurley says
LOL! Thank you for reading and sharing your viewpoint on this. We’re super open to hearing other’s thoughts on this. These all can range from infants and toddlers to bigger children in elementary school etc. I’m sure our girls will be different when they’re older.
Kelly| Citytoast2southerntea says
I would say both jobs are hard. I am a full time worker and mom./ After working all day then you have to turn around and take care of the kids in the evening. I am sure it is the same for stay at home moms.
amberl.hurley says
Yes both are super hard!
Beth says
There are definitely pros and cons to both. I guess it’s hard to have it all! I believe we do whatever is best for our kids whether that’s working or staying home!
Christina says
You make an excellent case for both types of parents. I do not have children, but I know the answer is both. Parenting is a 24 hour a day job with many responsibilities, even when you work outside the home. My hat goes off to all parents! This is the most important job you will ever have, and I hope it is the most rewarding! 🙂
amberl.hurley says
Thank you so much, and thank you for reading!
Jen @ Jenron Designs says
I think they both come with there own set of challenges and pressures to do well.
Madi Rowan says
I voted “both” because while a do think being a stay at home parent is hard, I haven’t experienced this myself, but I’ve watched my parents do it & others, being a working parent is just as difficult! Like you said, there are different stressors, but one thing I think both can relate too is just not having enough time to get everything done, whether you stay at home or not!
-Madi xo | http://www.everydaywithmadirae.com
Ellen Mika Zelasko says
The hardest part of being a stay at home mom for me…missing my co-workers and adult conversation. Hardest part of being a working mom…missing things and feeling like I’m putting my job before my family. I’ve been a working Mom and a stay at home Mom, and I don’t think either job is easy. Great post, it’s good to know other people feel the same way.
amberl.hurley says
That’s exactly how I felt! Thank you for reading!
Rikki Ridgeway says
Every parent has it hard. Doesn’t matter if you’re a working parent or not.
amberl.hurley says
Agreed! Just wanted to look at it and break it down from different viewpoints.
Chelsae says
I think both parenting styles are equally as hard. Like you mentioned each comes with it’s one positives and challenges. It just depends what is best for each family.
amberl.hurley says
Absolutely!
Sarah says
I think the difficulties are just different. But I wouldn’t say one is more difficult then the other. It depends on the day and situation.
amberl.hurley says
Yes the difficulties of each! Thank you for reading!
Stephanie says
This is so very true. Times are different now as they used to be where moms always stayed home while dads worked and it was enough to support the family.
Catherine says
So thorough. As a part time working parent, I feel like I’ve experienced both worlds and they’re both extremely hard. I think for me, staying home is harder because of the trapped feeling and not enough mental engagement. But it’s also been a gift. No easy answers!
Christine says
As a SAHM I can relate to all the pros and cons listed for that. I definitely think both are difficult, just in different ways! At the end of the day we’re all just trying to do what is needed for our family
Alyssa H says
I’ve been been a stay at home mom, a full time working mom, and a work from home mom. All are incredibly hard, but for me, the hardest by far has been being a stay at home mom who is also trying to juggle some part time work. Thank god for school!
amberl.hurley says
Yes I can believe that!
Katie Frazier says
I stay home with my 7 month old. I get jealous of my boyfriend who gets to leave the house or make plans without having to worry about our child. I wouldn’t trade this for the world though. I get to watch him strive and grow. It’s so rewarding!
Dr. Chimnaza says
In my opinion, I would say both.
Having a balance is important.
Catherine Irwin says
Your final paragraph says it all. Everyone has different priorities and work differently but as long as kids are cared for and loved then thats what matters