When you first start dating, or get engaged, the momentum is so high and you are on cloud nine because you think to yourself, “Oh my goodness I’m dating this great guy”, or “Oh my goodness I’m getting MARRIED!” You were about to be in marital bliss, the “honeymoon stage”, and you thought everything was going to be perfect because you were marrying the person of your dreams. Then, the honeymoon stage is over and reality sets in. Things weren’t what you thought they were, you now are day in and day out with your mate, and they do things you don’t like, your Husband snores too loud, your wife doesn’t give you intimacy and sex as often as you would like, etc. etc. the list can go on. This can be said of couples who are not married and living together. The truth is, marriage is tough. Relationships in general are tough even if you’re not married and are just dating. You have two IMPERFECT people getting to know one another and will eventually have the goal of being married as one, and then marriage mates coming together as one flesh, merging their lives with each other. We all have expectations in a relationship and what we want out of it. Relationships can be very challenging, but when you throw unrealistic expectations and demands in the mix, you make it MORE challenging. Manage your expectations properly and healthily allowing each other to be HUMAN. I’m a perfectionist all the time so I struggled with this as I thought my Husband should always act this way and always say things that way. It was too much. It was so ridiculous we couldn’t truly enjoy our relationship! Yes, there are ways that I feel I should be treated as his wife, but at the same time I have to keep remembering to let him be HUMAN! I needed to do my part as a WIFE. A REAL WIFE! So remember your roles in your relationship and the importance of fulfilling them.
Here are a few things you CANNOT expect in a relationship:
- Being mindreaders – It is true that the longer you live with each other the better you will come to KNOW each other, but you both still cannot read each other’s mind. That’s where communication comes in and why it needs to be utilized in your relationship to the fullest extent possible.
- Being in perfect harmony – If you never ever have an argument or a disagreement, then one of you is a robot. No two IMPERFECT human beings are going to see eye to eye on everything. It’s just impossible. There will ALWAYS be differences in desires, needs, thoughts, opinions, what food you both want, how the dishes in the dishwasher should be arranged etc. It’s NORMAL.
- Expecting every little need to be met – Remember, your spouse is a human being, not a maid or butler to be at your service and doing everything you want. No single human being can meet every possible need you have every time. It’s just not going to happen. There will be some needs that you have to meet yourself.
- Unending sexual ecstacy – Who has the time or energy to have sex every waking moment?! Neither one of you will be able to meet sexual needs ALL THE TIME. Health problems, different needs and desires, hormonal aspects and so on will affect your sexual life. You both have to develop patience with this, and communicate.
Things that you CAN/SHOULD expect in your relationship:
- Honesty – There should be no surprises about your spouses past, the way money is spent, what your spouse is doing at any given time and so on. Both of you should expect full transparency with everything. Be honest and tell each other the truth no matter how bad or uncomfortable it may be. I have had to learn this continuously over and over, and the HARD way.
- Commitment – God designed the marital arrangement as something PERMANENT. Expect loyalty and exclusive devotion from one another. Do not give to another person what should only be given to your spouse. I also had to learn this and apply it heavily!
- MOST needs being met – When a marriage is healthy and strong, both mates can expect most of their needs to be met as both are doing whatever it takes to meet each other’s needs wherever possible.
- Companionship/Friendship – Remember in the Bible God created Eve as Adam’s companion. He made each of them with different qualities so that they’re different but COMPATIBLE. We all know the saying, “Marry your best friend”. Your mate can be just that!
When both partners show love and respect amongst other things in a relationship, it can last in love and you can truly be happy. It takes TWO to make a relationship last though. One person cannot push the relationship up the mountain on their own. Follow us on our journey through our weekly blog posts, our take on relationship struggles and how we all can help each other grow old with the one we chose to spend the rest of our life with.
~Amber L. Hurley