(Audio option)
Alot of family members get together all year round for different occasions but especially this time of year..are you? Around this time of year there is much excitement and anticipation when getting together with family. However, many of us dread those family gatherings and become stressed because we all have that one family member or two, maybe more that we JUST CANNOT GET ALONG WITH! The personality clashes and conflicts that seem to surface every year can really be a “debbie downer” on the festivities. However, how can you still make these gatherings enjoyable and have a great time?
- Don’t NOT go to the gathering. We’ve all said to ourselves or out loud, “Any family affair, if so and so is gonna be there, I’m not going!” It’s so easy to think this way but it isn’t the most rational. Here’s why: You not showing up can make it seem like you are the one that’s keeping the tension going. If you are able to, show up, be civil, and keep the peace. You do not have to get into any long and drawn out conversations. You can keep your distance at that time. If they say hello, say hello back. This is supposed to be a time about family and there should be no room for pettiness or rudeness of any sort. So go to the gathering and if you have to, say this silent prayer to yourself before going: “Lord give me the strength to deal with so and so tonight.” However, if seeing family truly causes extreme amount of stress around this time and you just cannot deal, than being with just your partner or kids is a wonderful alternative than seeing people who constantly make you feel stressed.
- Avoid upsetting or sensitive topics. Do not bring up things from the past or things that are sensitive to talk about that will cause tension and disrupt the vibe. There’s always an Uncle Charlie asking, “Are you ever gonna get married?!” or there’s an Aunt Susan who is always saying, “Geez how much weight have you gained now?!” Those are not things people want to hear while trying to enjoy themselves. However, have realistic expectations and don’t expect people to change their behavior when they’ve behaved the same way for years. If someone brings up a topic that can potentially be upsetting, DON’T feed into it. Just simply say, “It’s good to see you Aunt Sally.” What can they get out of that statement that’s negative? Nothing! They’re just going to stand there looking perplexed. Lol.
- Don’t drink too much. If you’re okay when you drink, great! However some people get aggressive or argumentative when they have too much to drink. This is when brawls break out and then this one is in that one’s face, etc. So if you are one of these people or if you know someone who is, avoid it and have alcohol in moderation.
- Bring your own positive energy. Don’t rely on your friends and family to be the light of the party when you have your own positivity to bring to the table. So contribute positive energy when it comes to tense family gatherings. Contribute a dish, bring flowers for the hostess, a little gift, etc. Whatever you can do to spread positive vibes, focus on that instead of who’s bringing you down.
- Set boundaries. Firmly establish what you will, and will NOT tolerate! For example: If a family member always meddles in your buisness and criticizes you, let them know that they CANNOT meddle in your affairs. Be assertive but kind when enforcing the boundaries and don’t let them cross or even bend the line. Set boundaries with how much time feels tolerable to you with those difficult family members and in what situations you are willing to see them.
In the end, things always have a way of working themselves out. We all know the saying, “You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family.” We’re bound to have conflict with a family member at some point during gatherings throughout the year. Everything in life is what YOU make it. That goes for gatherings with family and friends, relationships, the workplace, EVERYTHING! So make the most of your time with your family and don’t focus too much on the negatives. After all, families are like fudge…mostly sweet with a few nuts.
Sasha says
These are all amazing tips, Amber! Holidays can definitely be stressful. But I will try to keep these things in mind!
amberl.hurley says
Yes, thank you for reading girl!
Meagan says
This is so important during this holiday season! Sometimes family moments get ruined by differences
amberl.hurley says
Absolutely!
Tarah Craft says
Family is tough, but worth the work!!! Your tips are so reasonable and important!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Kelly| Citytoast2southerntea says
This is such a good blog post especially with the holidays coming up. You know how we have that one family member that wont act right….lol
amberl.hurley says
Right?! lol
Maria Yakimchuk says
These are awesome tips for dealing with difficult relatives. Family can be so hard sometimes. I learned one other thing in one of my psychology courses that I treasure. Sometimes you can’t actually avoid having the interaction but you don’t actually have to listen during the interaction. Master the uh-huh and the head nod, while thinking about something else and excuse yourself as soon as you can. This way the person feels paid attention to but you didn’t actually interact.
Adriane Thompson says
I love the audio version! That was GREAT! Your voice is so sweet. We don’t have any family in the same state we live in so we don’t have to worry about this. However, when we go back “home”, some of these tips will be super helpful! Love “it’s good to see you” and “don’t drink too much”. I don’t’ drink at all but that’s a great tip for other family members 😉 Thank you!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you so much!! And I’m glad you don’t have to deal with this as much as others lol
Jen says
I especially like the first point. Not going really ends up negatively affecting my family if we stay home. We can be civil without being best friends.
Ruby says
This is so helpful now that the holidays are coming around!
Catherine says
Great tips! I feel terrible for people who have really difficult family members, but I know it’s very common! Maybe having a list of a couple positive topics in advance could help too, if you need to redirect the conversation.
Dawn says
Yes! I actually just wrote about Affirmations to use when you’re headed to a stressful family gathering! So I’m right there with you! These are great tips!
Katie Frazier says
To be honest, this is me every time I see my mother in law. I have to remind myself of these things the whole time I’m around her.
amberl.hurley says
Oh no I’m so sorry. Yikes. Hopefully you two can eventually work together to be in unity.
Monica says
This is a great list. Always important to set boundaries.
Brittany Fiero says
Thank you for all of this! I have a few family members that I dread seeing.
Chelsea says
I love this, I think everyone has probably been in this position at some point with their family! I have learned that it’s best to Definitely set boundaries!
Katie says
These are such great tips. I have such a hard time with some members of the family during the holidays but I’m definitely going to be keeping this in mind