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No doubt all of us who are expecting a child are overjoyed as well as feelings of a wide range of other emotions. Although having children are exciting times, it can change a marriage or relationship in unexpected ways. For us, and many others the adjustment can be immense. There were times crap got REAL for us! Parenthood does take a strain on a couple’s relationship. The sex drive goes down, there’s a little more arguing going on, lack of sleep gets to both of you, the whole routine of the house is just jacked up for a bit. So here are some tips to help (and believe me we need them too):
- Patience..Patience..PATIENCE! Husbands, educate yourself about the physical and mental impact childbirth can bring to your wives or significant others. Us women are prone to sudden mood changes especially after having a baby. Remember that her moods and attitude are not towards you PERSONALLY. You both are in a new situation and her body and hormones are adjusting to a new situation.
- Wives/Significant Others – Allow your partner to help out, and involve him. A lot of times we as women think we can do everything ourselves or RATHER do everything ourselves because our partner’s “don’t do it right” lol. No! Show him how to change the diaper, how to prepare the feedings and so on. As the kids get older he will adjust and adapt! Try not to be too picky because after all he IS helping out and if he does it differently than you do, DON’T criticize him. Trust me it will relieve you!
- Don’t be so focused on your role as a mom, that you forget your role as a Wife/Significant other. Men, don’t be so focused on your role as a Dad, that you forget your role as a Husband/Significant Other. A new baby, and as time goes on, kids in general can consume a lot of time and energy that you both used to have to each other as a couple by yourselves. Take time for each other each day even if it’s just for some wine at the kitchen table after the kids are asleep. Strive to have date night every week. It does not have to be fancy or expensive. It can simply be a blanket on the living room floor with some wine and snacks or just in bed and the whole “Netlfix and chill” theme.
- Communicate with your partner and always support each other. Agree to disagree. Discuss things together like “Should we always pick up the baby every time it cries at bedtime? Who will be taking turns with the feeding schedules and so forth? As the children get older one might feel he or she is too hard on the child. The other might feel he or she is too easy! You HAVE to talk things over in order to be on the same wavelength! See what your needs are in order to adjust to your baby’s needs TOGETHER and SHARE the load. It’s TWO of you!
A child being that it is a “reward” can change a marriage or relationship for the GOOD in the end! You both need time and balance to adjust to your new role as parents. Make it an enjoyable time and don’t expect too much from each other, as you’re both doing the best you can when it comes to raising children. The same applies to those with children that are older and no longer infants or toddlers. STRENGTHEN your relationship as your children get older and keep the friendship with your partner strong and you will be better able to handle the challenges of parenthood!
~Amber L. Hurley
Stacie says
Having a kid definitely changes things. It’s a good change, though. As long as you communicate and make sure you’re both working towards the same goals, it’s great.
amberl.hurley says
Yes I agree!
Dominique Brooks says
Good tips. My husband definitely participated when we welcomed our kids. My husband was the first one to change my first born’s diaper — both in the hospital and at home. He still brings it up now!
amberl.hurley says
Yes I love that! My husband has learned to do the same and become more involved and it’s a huge help!
Super Busy Mum says
Being a parent and a wife is hard work, right? Trying to find that balance to please everyone! Parenting is one hell of a ride, thats for sure!
Sarah Emery says
I love the last line on this post. I can’t speak from experience, as my husband and I don’t have children, but I do feel these helpful steps are applicable to a lot of others areas in marriage.
amberl.hurley says
Oh absolutely!
Amber Myers says
Oh yeah, patience is a big one to have. Kids are amazing, but they also can drain energy so things can get frustrating.
Cris says
Being a new parent can be difficult. You have some great tips here, that will definitely help out many people!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you I appreciate it!
Krysten Quiles says
Oh this is so helpful to those with kids, I’ll share this. Thanks so much for sharing this with us!
Marie Phillips says
These are great things to focus on while trying to get through an amazing but exhausting time in life. Thanks for sharing!
Wendy @ One Exceptional Life says
After raising 3 children together and being married almost 30 years, my best advice is to put the Lord first, then your spouse, then kids. We are now empty nesters and since we kept our relationship a priority over the years, it didn’t get wierd when the kids moved on to start their own lives. Enjoy this time. It goes by really fast.
Tara Pittman says
These tips are so important for parents. Parents need to connect with each other.
SASHA MENKES says
these are great tips!! loved this post!
Nyxie says
I can completely understand that kids change a relationship. My partner and I don’t have any yet, nor do we know if we will due to other family members, but I know it would change our relationship forever. And sometimes it’s not necessarily for the better.
You’ve included some wonderful insight here.
Chad says
This is a very very important topic that couples don’t seem to discuss! The relationship before kids is not the same as after! The difference is huge.
CANDACE HAMPTON says
Wonderful tips! I love this post, because it’s precisely something that it rarely gets talked about. I believe that it’s crucial to keep a good communication with our significant other. Children shouldn’t be the reason of a separation, it should be the opposite. Thanks for the tips!
WanderlustBeautyDreams says
I’m not at the point of my life yet but i can imagine it changes a lot of things and becomes different. Thanks for sharing these tips!
Rosey says
There is a new dynamic, but I think it’s an awesome one. I love your tip not to criticize. Help is help and if it’s dad doing it, hurrah because trust me, not all dads do.
Ntensibe Edgar Michael says
Yyyeesssss Amber! We men, seriously need to educate ourselves about bringing a child into this world and what it takes. Otherwise, it will all turn out to be a very difficult thing to do!
AMY says
This is an awesome tips. It’s great and so helpful resources. I am surely be guided by this. Thanks for sharing your bright idea!
Enriqueta E Lemoine says
Patience is everything. Children bring so much joy but they are also big stressors!
Maria Yakimchuk says
Great post. It’s so true that kids throw off the dynamic of a marriage and make us renegotiate our roles in the family. It’s too easy to get sucked into the Mom/Dad trap because the kids needs are usually very pressing and we feel the other adult can wait.
val@thoughtfulneighbor.com says
Totally agree that a marriage goes through a lot of change once you have a child, and especially if you have multiple children. Being a perfectionist, I find it hard to let my spouse take on certain tasks (#2), but sometimes I just need to settle for “good enough”. Also, communication is key to being on the same page and getting through the tough times, as you mentioned in #4.
Cindy Ingalls says
Great advice. It’s so easy to lose yourself in your role of mom that you forget to also be a wife.
Sarah M says
Nice post. I think communicating with each other is the best tip to deal with a situation. Being supportive and understand each other can ease the changing dynamics after children.
Pooja Kawatra says
Having kids definitely change the dynamics in your marriage but then they bond that relation so well. If you are able to communicate and express well then it is a beautiful family.
Olya Amanova says
It can be really hard when kids small) but you do cope handsomely and inspire many who read your blog.
Kim Kupiecki says
Thanks for sharing your tips with us. My husband and I make sure to communicate – we’re like a team and I think that’s what makes it work. We have to be on the same page in order for a family to work.
Emman Damian says
I always believe that children are blessings no matter what. They maybe very naughty and tough sometimes but it gels the family well.
Shan Scarlett says
Great read Amber! All the tips are well and true. Hubs and I have added a nightly devotion once we put the kids down. It’s definitely helping.
Once the kids come, Ish gets really real!
amberl.hurley says
Yes same here!
Laura Schwormstedt says
These are some really insightful tips and yes it takes work and patience when it comes to relationships after having children
Laura x
HolyVeggies says
I love how you talked about patience and communication. Those are important for any relationship.