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Let’s face it – being a parent now a days is far from easy! We’re living in a time where we’re supposed to be our child’s friend at the same time we’re being their parents. Some parents have said it is possible to be both. However, some feel that trying to become friend’s with your child comes at the cost of their authority and undermines their role as a parent.
Every parent and child relationship is different. You have some parents who were friends with their kids and they ended up behaving better and having a better relationship. Then, you have some parents who call their kids their best friends/friend and they have zero respect for the parents. You ever see a kid yell or curse at their parent? Yea…..there’s no respect. They get to lay down the rules of the house, and even run all over their parents. We’re sometimes given the message that we should be buddies with our kids and have them like us all the time, or the notion that we’re bad parents if they are upset by our decisions. Kids need boundaries and guidelines. Parents need to be able to discipline their child, and be okay if their children don’t always like them especially when the parent has to make hard decisions.
Some parents think that if they’re friends with their child, the child will do what the parents want because they’re friends and because the child wants to please them. Do you feel this is the case..or can the opposite happen?
According to a Mental Health Counselor who works with kids and teenagers Dr. Casherie Bright, “Children get confused about their role, and if the parents try to establish any rules, the child ends up resenting it because there never were any rules and now they feel like their parents are being hypocrites.”
Can you Be Both the Friend AND the Parent?
Can you be authoritative and fulfill your role as a parent but give your children the freedom to be who they are and make their own choices? To me, and correct me if I’m wrong, when it comes to a parent being both the child’s friend and parent it means that I am your PARENT FIRST, but you can also come to me and approach me about anything as you would a friend.
Growing up with my Grandmother who raised me, she was definitely not my friend and I knew that 1000%. She was for sure my parent and ONLY my parent. I couldn’t approach her about anything. I was afraid to tell her stuff because she wasn’t approachable and everything was military! Just keeping it real.. but that’s the thing. There needs to be a balance when it comes to your role of authority and a friendship.
So how can you appropriately be friends with your child? Be genuine, be honest, be open and be a true friend by being approachable to them and always showing them that they can come to you about anything. Being friends with your child doesn’t mean being DOWN with them and all cool and hip. Establish with your child that you can be a friend to them, but you are their parent FIRST! You want to be their friend without them knowing that you are trying.
Respect levels need to be established as well. Does your child make the rules in the house and view you as their peers instead of the adult? It can get pretty complicated, but as long as you are a parent first, it is possible to be friends with your child. As long as your children stay within the boundaries that are set for them, you can learn to be more than parents to your kids.
So what is your parenting style – Parent first or the friend? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Tracy Isidore says
Great post! For me as a parent of two, my children are fully aware that I am NOT their friend and there are rules they must follow in our home, which reflects in the way they act in other peoples homes and in public. At the same time I do believe it’s important to have a fun loving “friendly” relationship with my children so they feel comfortable communicating and talking openly with me. For me it’s all about balance and it’s working so far! Fingers crossed s as they get older, Lol.
Crystal Green says
It’s hard to find that healthy balance between the two! I would like to say that I’m my kids’ friends as well as their parents. But the reality is I’m definitely more their mother than I am their friend. However, I do feel that they feel comfortable coming to me about ALMOST anything in their lives. It’s been hard to find that fine line in our lives, and as you stated with each child it’s been a different journey for sure.
Courtney says
I am trying to have a happy medium. I think it is important that you are the parent and not the friend, but I also want my daughter to be able to come to me with questions or concerns she has when she grows up.
Monidipa says
Respect is important in any relationship be it the child’s parent first or friend first. Good ideas!
Krysten Quiles says
I grew up with PARENTS and although I may not have appreciated that at the time, I do appreciate it now, as an adult. I feel like their boundaries helped me to grow up to be a well rounded person, and I’m not sure I would be the same if they had tried to be my friend.
Lisa says
It is important to make sure the children know parent comes first before friend.
Marienne G.D. says
For me, it’s parent first. A parent who not only disciplines or sets boundaries when required, but also shows affection, listens and is approachable with any issues, worries and/or concerns.
Tweenselmom says
For me, parent first and then friends. We’ve set this method ever since and we are all doing great together.
Nikki Wayne says
I think it’s possible. It may sound tough but definitely possible.
Lyanna Soria says
I believe we can do both but of course, being a parent comes first. I want them to be able to tell me anything whenever they have troubles instead of being too scared to talk to me.
Emily Fata says
Such a great source of information! Thank you for sharing this with all of us, I really appreciate it. I think you need to be a parent first, and then a friend. 🙂
Nina says
I agree with you, I am a parent first. I am an adult who is responsible for raising my child into a mature person. And then I’m a friend. I want to build a relationship of trust with my daughter, I will let her know all the time that I am the only person in the world who can trust her with everything and I am always available (my daughter will soon be two years old, everything is still ahead of us).
Great article and great thinking.
Friendly greeting,
Nina
Kuntala Bhattacharya says
I try to follow the second one – friend and parent. Allowing my boy to trust in me so that he doesn’t hide but confides. And then in parallel respect me too as a mother.
Mikhaela says
Such a lovely post. I think I will follow being friend first then being parent. However, this is really interchangeable depends on situations.