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We all have needs in our relationships that we expect to somewhat be met. We have our physical needs, spiritual needs for those with a religious background, emotional needs, mental needs, and sexual needs amongst other things in a relationship that are needed in order for it to be healthy!
However, are you and your Partner meeting those needs to the best of your ability? Are there any areas that need improvement? Relationships needs to be FULL of compromise! It’s important to meet each other half way, as well as be on the same page. So let’s discuss these needs:
- Emotional Needs – First, what is an emotion? According to Oxford Dictionary, an Emotion is a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others. It is a CRAVING of something in the relationship. So in a relationship we have that natural instinct for our emotional needs to be met as often as possible within reason. Emotional needs are the essence of a loving relationship. If you are not providing for your partner’s emotional needs, they are likely to be unhappy and unfulfilled.
- Each Partner wants to feel HEARD. We all want to feel important to our partners, and feel heard. The way to do that is to obviously be actively listening. We don’t have to agree with everything they say, but we do have to respect their opinion. So when discussing things together, try not to shut your partner out or even say hurtful things to them that can make them feel like you’re not listening or hearing what they are saying. I know for me, I would feel like my Husband was dismissing me when I spoke and just answer back with a hurtful comment, and vice versa, he would feel I’m not listening to him and am shutting him out because he is just trying to express himself honestly and openly. Don’t be dismissive. Men, if your wife is feeling sad about something, don’t be cold and dry. Don’t also talk trying to find a solution. Just comfort her, be there! Really listen so that you can come to a solution and build moving forward.
- The feeling of being valued and prioritized. Your family before entering a relationship with your partner was obviously important. However, once you and your partner are in a commitment, that person now takes precedence and priority! Now we’re not saying that you can’t have your own independence and be your own individual self, but both of you want to always be assured that they come before other people, other commitments, and other aspects of their partner’s life, within reason of course. There were a lot of times my Husband felt like I was putting everyone above him to go be with my friends, or skip date night so that I could do this and that, and it wasn’t fair to him. He didn’t feel like he was a priority. I had to change that BIG TIME.
So always make sure you both are emotionally in tune with one another, especially men. We all know the saying, “Men think but women FEEL.” Don’t let there be a lack of emotional needs, that you become checked out emotionally in your relationship, further becoming emotionally HUNGRY!
2. Physical Needs – One of my favorite people ever, Steve Harvey always says that a man must do three things: Protect, Profess, and PROVIDE! Now speaking in general to both men and women, the wife, girlfriend, fiance, etc. can help you when necessary, yes! However, the man who is head of the household should provide for you when they have it, and use all the means that is reachable to him, especially if you have a family, and children. Now women, don’t be naggy and pestering asking for things that you know he cannot afford.
- You don’t have to have it NOW. Now, I used to be a real pest when it came to asking for things and buying things. I expected Jason to provide everything for me and break his neck doing it. However, it caused a lot of issues. Physical needs weren’t being met in the sense that Jason was providing with pressure so to speak because he was trying to provide what we needed but also what I wanted, which was at the time unnecessary and not always the right time financially. So I put a lot of pressure on him physically. Ladies, do you tend to this too? Is this something you can work on?
- The role of Provision for Physical Needs. When a man truly cares for a woman, he will not allow her lack for any physical need. He will always provide the necessities! Physical needs do not always mean monetary value as well. It could also be helping around the house, and sharing in the responsibilities of the household, or taking care of the kids, especially if you both work full time. This is very important because one cannot meet all the physical needs by themselves.
So think about your partner’s physical needs and be sure to always show them they are loved and cared for, as well as provided for physically.
3. Spiritual Needs – Now for those that have a religious background, this is about support and respect for your spiritual values and beliefs. This includes the need for a shared spiritual life. Even if you have different spiritual beliefs, it’s important that your partner respects your spiritual beliefs, even when they may be very different from theirs.
- Have God at the Center of your Relationship. This is definitely a spiritual need because without God as part of that threefold cord in your relationship, anything can come between you and destroy your relationship. If only one of you gives importance to the spiritual condition of your relationship, then it will not be balanced and the boat would sink on the side of the unbelieving.
- Pray together, study god’s word together, and go to services together. We have all heard the saying, “The family that prays together, stays together.” Start a prayer habit and pray together every night before bed, or like my Husband and I do, we pray together before he leaves the house in the morning. It really sets the tone for the day. If you haven’t done so, pick up the bible and read it together. There’s the saying, “A chapter a day keeps the devil away.” So the bible, being that it’s full of practical wisdom, can help you even in your relationship.
If one of you is lacking in that spiritual need, make it a goal as a couple to help each other grow in faith especially when one of you is weak.
4. Mental Needs – I remember a friend telling me, “There is a difference in when someone physically stimulates you, and when they MENTALLY stimulate you.” I thought that was so profound because that would be considered a mental need in a relationship.
- Stimulating Intellectually. Many people have a need for wanting to have deep conversations with their partners about life, their goals, their ambitions, their frustrations, their loves, their hates, and so forth. We want to have someone in our corner who we can have an intellectual conversation with and not feel bored. We want something we connect with mentally and have things in common.
- Grow together Mentally. Now granted, a mental connection should be discussed before entering a relationship, but as time goes on many people become complacent and comfortable that they no longer have things in common and you don’t GROW together. This need is now lacking. You hear people say often, “we’ve outgrown each other” But in reality, if you both make the effort to try to connect on something that you both have a common ground on if there’s something your partner is now interested in, maybe try and take an interest in it as well.
So with regards to those mental needs, we want to be able to learn from each other, and be able to have interesting conversation. We wanna make each other laugh, smile, be able to read your partner and get a feeling of what they’re thinking. All of that is part of mental connection and a mental NEED.
5. Sexual Needs. We saved the best for last huh.. lol. Now, this can get to be a very sensitive topic. Your libidos may not match, you may have different sexual desires, or to be really direct, some may not be satisfied sexually by their partners and this can cause tension in a relationship when these needs are not met. In fact, this is one of the most common needs not met in a relationship.
- Compromising on frequency. Now, if one partner wants sex 7 times a day every day, and the other partner wants sex literally once a week, this can cause a problem. For my Husband and I, we’re definitely on different pages when it comes to the frequency of sex because I am a Mom of two toddlers, and am tired very often, and just simply not always in the mood. He gets super sensitive about the D! Lol. However, we’re still learning to find a frequency or compromise we both can live with. Is this you and your partner?
- Schedule sex dates. Now, not too many people are fans of “scheduled sex.” However, if you are having trouble being on the same wavelength with regard to frequency, try scheduling it. I told my Husband this, and he says, “Oh yes how bout 4 times a week?!” Yea okay…….. lol. Scheduled sex dates reassure the somewhat nymphomaniac partner that sex will in fact take place; they reassure the lower-desire partner that it will occur only when scheduled. Either way, it’s going to happen and they can look forward to it. The moment a couple schedules sex dates, the relationship tensions can subside.
Sex is very critical in a relationship, and God created sexual relations to be enjoyed between two people within a relationship. So if you are unsatisfied sexually in your relationship and your partner just isn’t doing it for you, that’s something you need to HEAVILY communicate to your partner about, but lovingly and honestly. Work on that frequency and look for ways to keep that sexual need met.
So whatever the needs are as listed above, do your best to work together to make sure those needs are met within reason. Communicate about your needs. There is nothing wrong with having them. Do not downplay having needs met because they are what contribute to a healthy relationship. So meet those needs without being NEEDY!
Bindu Thomas says
This is such an informative blog
Nicki Competa Escapes says
Hey,
Great blog. Well aware that we need to continually need to work hard on the relationship, any relationship. Though I hadn’t thought about breaking it down like that – thanks for sharing!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Jessica Collazo says
loving this post. Is kind of a checklist for a relationship it’s a good way to analyze what are we doing right and what are we doing wrong what are we lacking in our marriages and how to resolve it very nice post
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Amber Myers says
For the most part, yes. I am not picky. I don’t need someone around all the time.
amberl.hurley says
Lol thank you for reading!
Jen says
I couldn’t agree more with Steve Harvey either! And I have a friend (I promise!) who swears by scheduling sex with her husband. It’s not secret that women take longer to get in the mood and she says that having it scheduled helps her to do just that.
amberl.hurley says
Yes I find it better myself! Thank you for reading!
Catherine says
I agree that everyone in a relationship wants to feel valued and prioritized. Those two are so important. And it can be really difficult, especially in those years with young children to not feel SO focused on the kids all the time.
Marie Phillips says
These are all perfect! Of course, none of us are perfect so it won’t always work all the time.
But if we are focusing on these for the good of our partner, life will be good. We don’t have to be perfect to have a good relationship, just engaged and in tune with each other.
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Eloise says
Relationships are work, but good work when you really love a person. I agree with your list of needs being important in a relationship for both people.
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Cristina Ioana says
Once children appear in the picture it can be difficult to have the same relationship with your partner as before. It requires more work. At least this is what I’ve discovered. But it’s all worth it. Great article here
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Maria says
Relationships are definitely difficult and having needs met is often tough. I think the most important part about needs being met is having open communication. You need to know what the other person’s need are in order to meet them. And from there you just need to find a compromise that works for the two of you. It looks very different in different relationships as to who needs to provide what.
amberl.hurley says
Yes absolutely! Thank you for reading!
Krysten Quiles says
My husband and I are working on this right now. We don’t have the same love languages and although he’s good at speaking mine I’m not as good at speaking his. This is SO helpful, I’m going to read this post with him this evening.
amberl.hurley says
Thank you so much!
Alvern at Success Unscrambled says
These are such great relationship tips that cover a realistic range of needs for both people in a relationship. I always need to have deep meaningful conversations for sure. Having sex dates is a very interesting way to solve that age-old problem indeed.
amberl.hurley says
Yes, thank you for reading!
Monica says
This is great advice for all married couples! It doesn’t take a lot to start unraveling a marriage, so one would be wise to heed this advice.
Cindy Ingalls says
When my husband and I were struggling we read the book Love Languages and it really helped. Helped with my kids too.
Ewa says
I agree with everything. A successful relationship requires a lot of work, attention and vigilance to know if everything is as it should be.