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Everyone wants to know more about how to get their crap together but nobody tells anyone that it’s okay not to know! The truth of the matter is, you’ve never got it all figured out. If you feel like you do, chances are it’s an illusion. I’m sure we have all said, or had someone say to us, “Wow you have it all figured out huh..” In the meantime they’re like, “ummm okay then?” What’s right today may be wrong tomorrow, and what’s bad today may be good tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like you should be more experienced, further along or more on top of things in your life? That you should have an amazing career, the perfect husband or wife and a clear sense of who you are and where you’re supposed to be? Worse, that you should already be there by now? I remember when I was 25 and thought to myself, okay I’m married a few years, have my first kid, but now, i’m struggling with my career? Why don’t I have my career yet?! Why do I keep changing jobs all the time? When am I gonna find “the one”?! Then you have people who think that by the time they are 30 they should be married and with a family already. Next thing you know, they are 35, 40, 45, and still not married and with a family and think they are doing something wrong and wonder why they don’t have it figured out. They say to themselves, “I was supposed to be this or that BY NOW! Those words “by now”…irrelevant! Where you thought you were supposed to be by now is irrelevant. Here’s why:
Society, mundane sources, parents, even the little squares on social media portray a certain image sometimes of how things should be or how soon you should do something. Don’t let that influence you! When I was younger, being raised by my grandmother my whole life, I had this certain image of how things were supposed to be and her always telling me, you’re supposed to be doing this by now, you’re how old now?! I was supposed to get married between 25 and 30.
I had it in my head that I wanted to GET married between 25 and 30, then have kids after 30. I had it “all figured out”…….so I THOUGHT I did. I ended up getting married at 20. I couldn’t even drink at my own wedding being short literally 2 months of the legal drinking age. Hahahahah! I had my first child at 23! So it goes to show you, you’re not going to have it all figured out. Rather, let life run its course!
Right now where I am in life in my late twenties, I can honestly say that you go through so many experiences, opportunities, and personal transformations that will really affect what you want in life. What you think you want and what you think you have figured out is not always what it’s supposed to be. But it’s OKAY. You adapt and change your mindset on it and make changes when necessary. Feeling like you should be somewhere by now, when you’re clearly not “there,” maybe it’s not where you’re supposed to be, or maybe you need to implement other things to HELP you GET THERE! However, it’s not WRONG that you’re not there. That’s what people don’t say. They often say, “You’re 35, when are you getting married, when are you gonna have kids?” But they don’t always say, “It’s OKAY that you’re not there yet. Keep working towards it, you’ll get there. Keep it in prayer, let God work!” No one hardly says anything like that.
It’s impossible to have EVERYTHING figured out and there’s absolutely no date by which you should because like I said, you’re going to go through things. Life is a learning process – relationships, careers, success, failures and setbacks, and everything in between are not an indication that you don’t have everything figured out and that you’re a loser. Instead, it’s an opportunity for GROWTH!
So stop putting unnecessary pressure on yourself and listening to what society and social media says, and caring about what other people think. Do what’s best for you to get to where you wanna be in life as long as it’s the RIGHT thing! If you don’t have a clear plan for your career path right now, IT’S OKAY! If you haven’t figured out what type of education or school you wanna go to IT’S OKAY! If you’re over 30 or 40 don’t have a clear path for your love life right now, IT’S OKAY! If you haven’t figured out if you want kids yet and been in a relationship for 10-15 plus years, IT’S OKAY! The point is, there shouldn’t be a negative connotation to not having it all figured out yet.
Again, let life run its course, but don’t let life pass you by without working towards those goals to get where you want to be in every aspect! So just go with the flow and allow yourself to grow, evolve, and change.
Ola @ WanderWithOla says
Wow, this is such an interesting topic! What a nice reminder. It is true that it is not possible to have everything figured out, and life is indeed a learning process. Thank you for sharing this!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Olufunke says
You are so right on that; what’s right today may be wrong tomorrow. I’ve done some things that I felt were so right at the time. But when I looked back now, I could never be so wrong. Very deep and thought provoking post.
Nicole says
I love this! I really needed something like this today. Thanks so much!
amberl.hurley says
I’m so glad! Thank you for reading!
Joanna says
I think we are living times where having a path in life is not realistic anymore. The days when people would marry young, have children and build a house are long gone. We have so many opportunities these days, the world is so open for us, that it’s impossible to know what the future will bring, or what you will want to explore in a year or two.
amberl.hurley says
Yes that is true. Thank you for reading!
Amber Myers says
Oh yeah, I’m in my 30s and don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. I don’t think anyone has everything figured out, despite what they might say.
amberl.hurley says
So true thank you for reading!
Leanne Wong says
Hear hear, let life run its course! Enjoyed reading your post and the thoughtfulness you’ve put in on this topic!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you so much!
Corinne says
I agree with you. Even successful people don’t have it all figured out. We could be tolerant of other people’s imperfections yet could be so harsh on ourselves. I believe we need to have more self-acceptance, especially in this day and age of “highlight reels” on social media.
amberl.hurley says
Yes absolutely! Thank you for reading!
Michelle Jolene says
I totally agree! We have no need to follow timelines that society has set up for us. I have completely changed my life in my 40s and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.
amberl.hurley says
That’s wonderful! Thank you for reading!
Tamara J. says
This is so true, and awesome advice. It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves in today’s cruel world!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Nyxie says
Excellent article. I’m 27 and still don’t have it figured out. No one comes into life with a manual!
amberl.hurley says
So true thank you for reading!
Krysten Quiles says
AMEN. I’m 36 and nowhere near having it all figured out. Thanks so much for sharing this with all of us!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Candy Rachelle says
We are expected to be Super Woman, Super Mom, and Super Wife. I agree, we don’t have it all figured out, we shouldn’t pretend we do, and we should know it’s OK not to have it figured all out.
Candy Rachelle
Keeping Up With Candy
http://www.keepingupwithcandy.com
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Tara Pittman says
We are all made to be different. I think the what should and comparing can get one down
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Serene Xi says
I do feel like I should be more experienced, further along or more on top of things in your life. I think everyone feels this way on occasion, if not all the time.
Marie Phillips says
Such a sad picture! Smile–it will be okay!!!!
Seriously, though, as soon as we think we have it all figured out, everything changes. Fortunately I am pretty good at spontaneity. And you’re right, it’s nice to lose the pressure when you stop trying to always be ahead of everything.
Rhia says
Love this blog, it really is ok not to have it all figured out. Thank you for this reassuring piece!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Chelsea Sauve - Wandure says
I love this reminder that it’s OK to not have it all figured out. Life is a journey – and each day is an opportunity to figure out your next steps while honouring yourself. Thanks for the lovely read.
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Bella says
love this post ! such a great read I totally agree you cant have it all!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Sabina says
Thank you, I needed this! I’m currently in college and i’m constantly stressed out about my future.
xoxo,
sabiithefirst.com
amberl.hurley says
Awww I hope it goes well for you!
Jessica Harris says
I appreciate the straightforwardness and honesty of this post! You’re exactly right! It’s totally okay to not have it all figured out. What would be the point if we had it all figured out today? As a matter of fact, not having it all figured out helps us to stay dependent upon GOD. 🙌🏽 ♥️ Great post & thanks for sharing!
https://jessalittleshirtshop.com/blogs/welcoming-all-aspiring-entrepreneurs-side-hustlers
amberl.hurley says
Absolutely! Thank you for reading!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you so much for reading!
Gladys Nava says
What a great blog! I really enjoy your blog! Thanks for sharing this with us!
Patricia @ Grab a Plate says
Oh! Such good advice to let go of all that pressure we put on ourselves! I can tell you, it goes on and on…”why, why, why” questions! The older I get, though, the more I realize that it’s all good!
Maria says
Such a great and true post. I think we all constantly chase what we don’t have and don’t stop and think about what we do have. It’s too easy to get caught up in all the “shoulds” and not actually appreciate where you are in life.
Norma says
I agree with you 100% no human being has everything they could possibly want. I loved your post.
Julie says
“You’re not going to have it all figured out. Rather, let life run its course!” Great advice. It’s so easy to lapse into insecurities about everything we don’t have figured out.
And I completely agree, that your life perspective changes so much as you age. It’s probably a good thing that the teen version of ourselves doesn’t get to dictate how everything plays out.
A Chronic Voice says
Societal pressures are definitely not helpful in this regard, and it can be especially difficult in your 20s when you’re still figuring things out about who you are (though that’s a lifelong process, too!).
Jen says
This really resonates with me today! I’ve been thinking a lot about the pressures we put on ourselves about the things we “should” be doing, and I’m trying to eliminate the word should from my life!
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!
Syedah Shifa says
This was such a motivating post. I totally enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing.
Carissa says
What a great reminder! I remember preaching this to my nephew who is currently in college, because society will have you feeling like you need to be further along or have it all figured out by the time you’re a certain age and that’s so far from the truth
amberl.hurley says
Yes so true! Thank you for reading!
Alvern at Success Unscrambled says
Yes, you are so right, life is not a one size fit all scenario. I meet people almost every day who have so many limiting beliefs that it is surprising. If Sarah can have a baby at the age of 90 according to God’s will then everything is possible for the rest of us.
Catherine says
Great piece! it’s so true that we expect to meet all these milestones at certain points and that leaves people feeling “behind” as if there’s some time table to meet. I like the fact that we can never really have it all figured out.
WanderlustBeautyDreams says
I love this message! I think family and societal pressures can get to you especially when they emphasize a certain age. It gets in your head if your constantly comparing your life to someone elses. I recently just changed my mindset and don’t listen to comparison or what people have to say. Everyone’s journey is different and you don’t need to have figured it out!
Jon Maldia says
Love this. I share the same philosophy. I even teach my child this. Life is about the journey and adventures, not just making it to the next goal.
Cindy Ingalls says
Good advice! I’m 60 and I still have things I want to accomplish and I can’t believe some of things I’ve done!
Crickette, The Things I Have to Say says
Ultimately, I think we’re always a work in progress and it’s okay if you’re constantly trying to figure things out. It signifies flowability. You aren’t stagnant–and so you are ever-changing, trying to keep up.
Rosey says
I think it’s true that you never have it figured out, and that’s good. That means there’s more to do.
MR says
Interesting read..usually don’t read topics of these genre but getting older and all of these seem relevant now!
aisasami says
When I was younger, I was pressured a lot by my parents to find everything out about my life. Like I needed to know my career, my love life, and etc. However, I am 30 and still don’t know what to do. And, I am ok with me because life is an adventure.
Lisa @ Midwest Glam says
I always feel like I should be something more or know more, etc. It’s nice to be reminded that it’s ok to just be.
Mark says
I truly love the concept behind this topic. One cannot have everything figured out – impossible. Thanks for sharing.
Elizabeth O says
True. We do the best we can and let the rest go. Life is about effort not perfection.
may palacpac says
I think that there are people whose personalities are really like that. They get rattled when they can’t organize or control. I used to be one of those people. But I’ve started appreciating the unknown….and it all started when I had children haha!
David Elliott says
I know what you mean. You cannot expect everything to fit on a time schedule. Everyone is different and everyone confronts things and learns in their own time. And yes time does change our wants and desires as well.
Jessica Collazo says
We often ask ourselves these questions because we tend to be our worst critic we need to get ourselves a break