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We all want to be liked and accepted by our peers, and by society which is a natural tendency. We’re HUMAN! However, when we’re not, it hurts because we want to feel like we belong, and feel connected to others especially people we know and care about.
We also want to measure up to our peers whether it’s with material possessions, intelligence, beauty, and there’s really so many things where we wonder if we’re measuring up to others. I tie the fear of rejection and measuring up together because subconsciously we carry around a measuring stick putting our worth on the line to be measured. When that worth isn’t measured in the way we want or feel(or isn’t validated) we may in turn feel rejected!
There are people who lie to protect themselves, their close people, and their possessions. They lie and BS to get their way and for attention. They’re trying to maintain their image, and hide their mistakes and failures. Often times it’s not even malicious. It’s just INSECURITY! I myself have fallen victim to these bad habits mentioned PLENTY of times. I have had issues with rejection ever since I was a little girl. That fear of not being good enough and not measuring up because of what I have materially or caring about what other people thought. I til this day at times still struggle with it. I have such bad experiences and a DISLIKE to unpleasant experiences growing up that I would find myself not speaking authentically, and BSing with stuff that I say – prompting behaviours that DOESN’T SERVE ME!
So even though you may experience that sting of rejection, how do you overcome the fear of it, and at the same time let go of that measuring stick you’re carrying around with you?
Expect Rejection SOME of the Time
Some people will not like you no matter how nice you are, and THAT’S OKAY! You will be rejected no matter how attractive you are, how much money you have, or what your social status is—someone will “get sick of you” in some form. Not everyone is compatible, or your cup of tea and you will not meet everyone’s needs all the time. You have to learn to accept that and if you can, you can decrease that fear of rejection and measuring up because you won’t let the tendency to be liked and accepted by everyone CONSUME you!
You Don’t Have to Always Prove Yourself to People
Sometimes we go over the top and come off like we always have something to prove to someone. We try to show the world that we have it all together and we’re flawless again, hoping to be liked and accepted by everyone. You cannot please everyone and make everyone happy, nor should you try!
As I mentioned above earlier, people even lie and bs, or embellish things JUST so they can appear to be a certain way, or appear to have more than they really have, look a certain way etc. It’s okay if you are renting a house instead of buying it! Don’t lie that you bought it! It’s okay if you have a dupe Louis Vuitton bag, the real thing is expensive as heck! It’s okay if you only make $35,000 a year at your job. Don’t lie that you make $125,000. Why do people do this? Because they may have the fear of being rejected if they do not MEASURE UP to the person who actually bought their house, or who actually has that designer Louis Vuitton bag, the person who actually makes $125,000 a year! You don’t need to worry about that stuff! Do what is best for YOU and BE OKAY WITH IT! No one even has to know your business anyway! Live your best life and don’t worry about what the next person has!
Remember That You Are Enough
You ARE good enough! You ARE smart enough! You ARE BEAUTIFUL enough! You ARE ACCEPTABLE ENOUGH! Often times that insecurity creeps in and we start feeling like again, we’re not measuring up to our peers in one or more areas and start comparing and pulling out that measuring stick again. We start doing and saying things that don’t serve us to mask that insecurity, and out of that fear of being rejected!
I’ve been told this so many times I can’t even count anymore! You don’t need others to validate you. You are already VALUABLE in your OWN WAY! So learn to validate YOURSELF from deep within!
Embrace Who You Are
Don’t let your worth be measured based on what you have, instead of WHO YOU ARE! Accept all of you – the good, the bad, and the ugly! Granted, in my opinion we all should care about who we are to people to a certain extent. However, I have to personally remind myself to care less about who I am to others, and more about who I am to myself and to GOD! Thats it! Don’t let that measuring stick of yours interfere with you embracing your whole entire SELF! Be authentically and unapologetically YOU!
All in all, rejection isn’t easy, and of course it’s embarrassing to fail in front of others! However, it’s impossible to live without failing sometimes and without being rejected sometimes. It’s gonna happen because that’s life! So don’t consume yourself with trying to change who you are to win the approval of others. The right people will love you for YOU and accept everything you come with materially, status wise, and in other aspects! So throw that measuring stick away, and stop spending all your time LOOKING a certain way, instead of LIVING a certain way and living YOUR TRUTH!
Rose says
Everyone is equal in this world. So, dont think so much about others and their opinion. We live our oen life is the matter.
Love this post.
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!!
Lisa at Following the Rivera says
This really resonates with me. Handling with rejection is never easy.
Tara Pittman says
This fear is real wil me sometimes. This was a good read for me today.
amberl.hurley says
Thank you for reading!!
MELANIE EDJOURIAN says
I feel for you. As a child I always feared not measuring up to expectations from my parents rather than peers. My peers simply rejected me of bullied me as I was a quiet child. It really can affect you and have an influence of adult relationships.
Chrissy says
Thank you for covering such a sensitive topic. So many of us live with a debilitating fear of rejection that it hinders Our Lives.
WorldInEyes says
Indeed do agree with every single word which you have mentioned here…No one is perfect and rejection is definitely a part of life…everyone has to face it once in life or may be more than once..in spite of this we should always priorities ourself on the first we should have faith in ourself and that is really enough…glad you shared this with us..
successunscrambled says
You will never be able to please everyone so as you said expect rejection. Your reaction to a rejection should help you overcome any possible negative feelings toward you. Sometimes you can’t help but feel sorry for that person depending on the situation.
amberl.hurley says
Exactly! Thank you for reading!
Jessica Joachim says
I have always been super bad about feeling the need to prove myself out of fear of being rejected. This has been specifically bad at work because I always find msyelf wanting to make sure they know I am good at my job… but really itis just too tiring and leads to me being miserable. So it is something I am working on for sure.
Chin chin says
All of us would most likely experience rejection because not all people would agree with you. We need to hang on to our moral values and belief in self to handle the situation rightly.
Sudipta Dev says
It is so tough coping with rejections, but these challenges make us stronger. The solution, as you rightly suggested, is to embrace ourselves.
Ceci Rey says
This was great advice. I fear rejection all the time…even though I know that I can not please everyone…thanks for sharing!🍕👓🚢
rachel says
I’m trying to remind myself daily that I am enough.