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Have you ever thought about what advice you would give your younger self? Perhaps you’ve gone through things in life and have experienced things, made some mistakes and now that you look back, there’s just a whole lot that you would say! This was me. In the picture above, on the left I was 19 years years old there. I’ve been through a lot in my life and I’ve done a lot in my life. There are so many things I would tell my younger self now that I have stepped away from that microscope and look at many things in a much wiser way, and different light.
So here are some things I would say to my younger self:
1. Cherish What You Have
It is so easy to forget what’s in front us because we become unhappy for whatever reason or we are looking at what someone else has and so forth. At one point I was ready to throw away what I have. I took many things for granted – things that people would KILL to have! I wasn’t happy and content with what was right in front of me because I was too busy being selfish and not looking at the bigger picture. I just kept saying how unhappy I was when really all I needed to do was adjust my thinking.
I had to realize that I am truly blessed and that the grass is not always greener on the other side. It’s green where YOU water it! So yes things may get tough, and we may become unhappy, but at the end of the day we need to see the blessings we have right in front of us and change our mindset to fight to keep what we have because many people may not be as fortunate as we are. So take a step back and re-examine whether or not you are truly being appreciative of what you have and cherishing what is meaningful, or if you’re looking at that grass on the other side of the fence.
2. Learn to Love YOURSELF
Growing up with my Grandmother who raised me, she didn’t really make me feel validated or loved. I was always looking for her approval and it was just so hard to please her sometimes. However, because I was often put down I started always looking for validation and approval from others CONSTANTLY! I didn’t love myself, nor did I love others the way I was supposed to. Then it got even worse when I started to look to the wrong kind of people for that attention and validation. I just had to be validated and included all the time.
Here’s the thing. You don’t need anyone and I mean ANYONE to validate you! Learn to validate YOURSELF! It has to come from within YOU. I had to realize that me looking for validation from other people is not helping me. I will never be confident in who I am or what I do if I’m always needing others approval! I only need GOD’S approval in all reality. Besides, you really want to seek validation from other people who are imperfect just like you are and probably don’t really love themselves either?….Think about that. You’re looking to another imperfect human full of flaws just like you to get their approval and have them validate you and make you feel secure. You don’t need other people’s opinion all the time. Learn to think for yourself and make your own sensible decisions. You don’t need people to figure things out for you all the time.
In time I have learned to LOVE MYSELF! I’ve done many messed up things, said messed up things, but you know what? I’m STILL AMBER! I AM ENOUGH! I AM HUMAN, I WILL CONTINUE TO LOVE ME! I make sure I instill this same thing in my daughters. No one is going to validate them BUT THEM! Be confident and secure within yourself no matter how you look, what you do for a living, where you live, what kind of car you drive, how much money you have, etc. YOU ARE YOUR OWN INDIVIDUAL! So love yourself and tell yourself these affirmations every single day:
- I am BEAUTIFUL
- I am STRONG
- I am SMART
- I am WORTHY
- I am LOVED
- I’m gonna KILL IT!
3. Don’t be a People Pleaser
So in line with the point above, because I needed validation and approval from others I was such a people pleaser like hardcore kissing people’s butts all day everyday! It was like what the heck?? I ended up doing things that were insane just to make others happy and be liked and accepted! I did things out of the ordinary for certain people just because I wanted to please them and I didn’t want them upset.
Truth is, the eagerness to please stems from self worth issues. Saying yes to everything asked of me helped me feel accepted and liked even if it was something ridiculous! I didn’t even need to do that. I just needed to not be so gullible and eager to please. When you’re a people pleaser, people start to take advantage of you and prey on your naiveness and again that eagerness to be liked and accepted. It’s okay to say NO, it’s okay to not do everything someone tells you or asks you. Stop being a people pleaser and just DO YOU!(Within reason of course) At this point I only want to please my Husband and children, and my GOD! That’s it. The heck with everyone else. They don’t pay my bills, they don’t run my life, and 9 times out of 10 they probably could care less about you or what you’re doing to be honest.
4. Mind Your Business
Now this one, smh this was a HUGE flaw of mine! When I tell you I used to be nosey, I was NOSEY! I was in everyone’s business except mine. It was such a bad habit. Now don’t get me wrong, I still tend to be a little nosey because I’m a woman. That’s our nature. Women are nosey. However, there’s a difference between being a little nosey and curious, versus truly sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong. When there was a hot story I was there like a news reporter trying to get the scoop! For what?? It didn’t even concern me! The things that DID concern me, haha well yea………
You don’t need to be in everything all the time! If you hear about something, sit back, observe and keep your mouth shut. You don’t have to attend, you don’t have to speak on it or go talk to others about it. See something on instagram you don’t have to go hit up the group chat and talk about it and send stuff around etc. I truly learned to stay out of things that DO NOT CONCERN ME!! See it, hear it, and keep it moving. I may say things to my husband in the privacy of my own home because again, I am a woman and we talk and notice things etc. But at the end of the day, it’s my duty to worry about ME and what’s going on in MY HOUSE! Not anyone else’s.
5. You Don’t Have To Be Liked By Everyone
Boy oh boy I could tell myself this over and over and over! This point kind of goes along with being a people pleaser. I wanted to be liked and accepted by everyone! It’s not necessary though AT ALL! And when you think about it, even a person or group of people who SEEM like they ARE liked by everyone and are popular and what have you, someone hates them SOMEWHERE! They’re not even liked and accepted by everyone and it could be the most beautiful coolest person. Someone still does not like them for whatever reason. So the same applies to me. Not everyone is going to like me, I am not going to be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay! They may like sensitive Sally more than Petty Labelle and THAT’S OKAY! Be your OWN biggest fan!
I used to have a habit of wanting to impress people so I could be liked by them. For example, if I meet a German person and we start talking etc. I’ll be like oh yea I LOVE German food! Don’t even know what German food is………you get the point. Don’t lose your authenticity just to be liked! If someone doesn’t like you so what! Be authentically you and the RIGHT people will love you! Often times the people we want to like us are the wrong type of people anyway. They’re probably not even needed in our lives. It’s part of life! People may even at one point used to like you and then things happen or situations happen and you guys don’t vibe anymore. THAT’S OKAY TOO! Don’t kiss butt just let them be and you go about your life doing you and being the best you can be making sure you do what YOU’RE SUPPOSED to do!
6. Always Be Honest
The truth shall set you free! We’ve all heard that saying before. The lying can become such a habit. Because I cared SO MUCH about what other people would think I would often stretch the truth. You couldn’t trust a darn thing I said. It wouldn’t even be malicious. I just was worried about what someone would say or do if I actually said the real deal.
I’ve come to learn that when you’re honest from the jump, things go much better. People will be more inclined to be a little understanding and more forgiving, versus you already doing something bad but then trying to hide and cover up and lie etc. it makes it harder to get that forgiveness and mercy. Just say the truth! It’ll be okay. I promise you it’s the most liberating thing. A clear conscience is SO PRICELESS! I am LIVING right now y’all! You can’t care about what someone else is gonna think. You have to worry about you and what comes out of your mouth making sure it’s truthful at all times. No heart full of deceit will ever be pure unless it gets cleaned with some truth and honesty! A mouth full of lies becomes a mouth full of flies – disgust!
7. Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed
We’ve also heard this saying many times. That fear of rejection used to stop me dead in my tracks! “What if they don’t like it?” “What if they say no?” “What if they think it’s stupid?” What if, What if, What if! How can you expect to get what you want if you don’t ask for it? People aren’t mindreaders and we can’t be afraid to express ourselves! I would often shy away when I would supposed to be speaking up on things that should have been said or expressed whether it be to my Husband, friends, etc. Saying nothing, gets you nothing!
So speak up because no one knows what you are thinking, no one knows how you are feeling. Success rides on the back of CONFIDENCE! If you do too much fretting, you’re probably going to fail BECAUSE you’re worried about failure. If you’re CONFIDENT on the other hand, efficiency is YOURS!
8. Let People Talk
No matter who we are, we’ve all been talked about in one way or another. That’s just human tendency to talk about people and for people to talk about us. It’s not right but people do it. That’s just life. People are gonna talk about us until the day we die and there’s nothing we can do about it. I used to get so worked up over what people would say about me. I drove myself so crazy. I had to stop. It was disturbing my peace. Even though you shouldn’t give people stuff to talk about in a bad way, if they DO talk about you, spread rumours what have you, LET THEM! People talked about Jesus like a dog! He didn’t spend all his time and energy defending himself though. That’s what I used to do – wasting time sending text messages around and trying to defend myself and explain my side of the story etc. Totally not needed and you just look worst anyway. Leave it alone. If you’re the person being talked about, don’t say a WORD! Let the person talking about you do all the talking they want. You keep running your race and again, doing what YOU’RE supposed to do. I’m living my best life and people are talking and I don’t care, and I’m not clearing anything up either.
Well, there you have it! The things I would tell my younger self. It’s been quite a journey. I’ve been at the bottom of the barrel and came back up. Now I’m here and ready to tackle anything with a more sound mind and apply all that I’ve learned and continue to do so. Womanhood hits different for me now. Here’s to the old things dying, so new things can grow!
Tina says
Such great advice to your younger self and I’d say many similar things to my younger self too!
Joe @ Mini Riches says
These are great! I know I can’t go back in time to tell myself these, but I can teach them to our children and they will hopefully learn from my mistakes. I just had a conversation with our oldest the other day about not being scared or embarrassed to raise his hand in class if he has a question! We’re also always telling him to mind his business and to worry about himself!! 😂
Saleema says
This was an absolutely great read. I will apply what i need to my life. Thank you for sharing and being so open and honest~♡
Tara Pittman says
There is so much that I too would have done differently when I was younger. I realize that I cant change the past but I can make today matter
Amber Myers says
I love this. I used to feel like I needed to be liked by everyone. But as I get older I’m like, “Who cares?”
Adrienne says
If we could go back…but we got to this point because of our experiences. I loved this, thanks for sharing!
Cindy E Ingalls says
I was very shy and would not speak up when I was younger. I didn’t think I had an opinion. Boy, has that changed!
Alvern at Success Unscrambled says
Oh to be 19 again… You are so right, I wish I had more wisdom when I was 19 years old. I was confident in who I was but there are so many things I would have done differently.
MELANIE EDJOURIAN says
I think you’ve nailed it with loads of these points. I’d probably tell myself similar things especially learn to love yourself. I’m still working on that!
Monidipa Dutta says
Loving yourself and being people pleaser matters is the biggest thing you know I wanna tell my younger self too!
CA says
I love this! And yes, there would be so many things that I would like to tell my younger self. I have no regrets though. Whatever I have been through has led me to where I am now. And yes, we shouldn’t become people pleaser unless it is genuine and necessary. Please God instead.
Yanitza Ninett says
Love this! I think I would tell my younger self to stop being a people pleaser.